A Disclaimer

This blog will hopefully be an interesting and relatively witty account of my time in Korea. If this turns out to be false, please don't read it, and accept my apologies.



Also, I have lived here for 8 months, so I don't have all the amazing 'I've-just-got-here-wow-look-at- that' stories. But I saw a woman walking down a street with a dog on her head. Stood up. On her head. These kind of stories I will share.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Wonderful Korea, Breastfeeding, and Thierry Henry.

Salam!


I turned up at school yesterday to men in white suits walking around. I thought for a minute they had finally caught up with me. Luckily, they were just doing an incredible amount of painting. It was the last day of school, so afternoon classes were cancelled and then we went hiking. It's well over 30C. Unbelievably difficult to walk up a mountain in this weather. I was with a group of middle aged Korean men, so I felt as though backing down would be seen as some sort of abject failure as a man. So I stayed, and we climbed!




Afterwards, all the teachers, (about 150) ate and drank and sang at a Noraebang that was set up outside. I managed to avoid singing, although one teacher was convinced that me singing Candle in the Wind would make the whole event more enjoyable. In my avoidance of the stage I did attract the attention of some middle aged Korean women who took a liking to me. 'Cutey boy.' Apparently. There was also a teacher who speeeksh englishh verish wells. I could'mt believe how great his english was, although bizarrely he's picked up a strong Dutch accent along the way, so I had to try my very best not to laugh in his face! 'Iss reallys wantsh to be friendsh wish you. OK?' It always amazes me how many teachers only speak English when they have been drinking, and then theres nothing at school, until the next time everyone meets up. Good and bad I suppose. Overall I had a fantastic time, I met lots of new great people and I'm reminded that this is why I like Korea.


(other great Korean experience; bumped into one of my teachers at the supermarket, he was buying ice-cream and looked a little worse for wear. We walked home together and he was making very sure I wasn't hit by a car; arm around me at all times, almost throwing me into the bushes when he thought a car was near. Then he held my hand, before we parted ways. I saw him at school the next day, and he acted like nothing happened! Loving Korea at the moment! )

In 10 days I have Sean and Laura over for 2 weeks of Korean Experience. I just hope the Dog restaurant is open when they arrve, the traditional way to introduce people to Korea. If the rumours are to be believed, it enhances the sex drive. So I may well have 2 jet-lagged, tipsy, horny people to take care of, which I can't say I'm looking forward to. Anyway, 10 days guys, it's going to be emmense. Just don't forget my Colgate toothpaste.



The co-author of Korean Capers complained the other week, saying I wasn't making enough references to North Korea and Kim Jong Il. For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, here's a picture of him relaxing at home. (Caption suggestions welcome) The thing is, I'm starting to doubt some of the stories. 'Kim Jong Il is the only person in the world that can play all of Mozart's compositions with the harmonica while standing on top of a mountain breastfeeding a duck in 30 seconds.' Humourous? Possibly. Accurate? Highly unlikely. Andy, I'll release a little known fact about Mr Kim every time you publish a blog post. Anything will do, even some banal tale about buying a fan, or eating spicy food and getting the trots, or strange Korean women licking your fingers in bars on Saturday nigh....oh, wait a minute, that was me. Cycling stories though. We want more of them.





In other news, Thierry Henry reitred, sorry- moved to the MLS. Heres an American chatshow interviewing him. Very thoughtful. It starts really well. 'So, OK, so, you've just won the world cup, right?' and, 'where are you originally from?' Fantastic interview, I wonder if he regrets it yet. Actually, I'm not that bothered! Bye Tierry!
http://www.majorleaguesoccertalk.com/is-this-the-worst-soccer-interview-ever/9890




Assalaam-O-Alaikum to you all!

x

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

England you are a complete disappointment. Cheers!


'England fans! Don't be disappointed about all those unused St George flags, simply paint the red cross white and sell it to the French to use.'
Ah, how jokes get old fast.
One thing I will say is that the World Cup has reminded me of how overwhelmingly dull our national anthem is. No wonder Gary Neville never sung it.......




Ours is about 300 years old, sounds like a nursery rhyme, and reminds everyone how we should pray to God to save the Queen. It's 2010. Two people I feel I couldn't have less in common with. Neither, it seems, does Scotland. Not a God or a Queen to be heard in theirs. Although plenty of anti-English rhetoric. Around 1996 they decided to use the Flower of Scotland as their unofficial anthem. (yes, as bizarre as it seems, god save the queen is shared by everyone.) Well, not everyone, anymore......On that note, a big happy independence day to all you Americans out there.....Your welcome!

A simple idea to help make the World Cup more enjoyable for English people.
Decrease the quality of refereeing.
It's simple, and, as Capellos bulging package (wage package, you dirty buggars) will attest, much cheaper. All you need to do is reduce the amount of referee training; in 5 years you would be able to save money AND see a noticeable drop in footballing standards. This would also be a great time to begin and reduce referees pay. Then we will have a level of refereeing similar to that in South American countries. Unfair? How very dare you!
Take this example; the (Brazilian) referee for the England v USA game was suspended in the Brazilian league for, as Flemengo eloquently argued; an 'unambiguously inconsistent, unfair and inequitable technical performance.'

Not to be outdone, the Palmerias chairman piped up, calling him a
'a crook, a scoundrel and a shameless bastard.'

And he was the referee that Brazils FA picked to officiate at the World Cup. He was their NUMBER 1 man! If England are going to be outplayed in tournaments for the foreseeable future, the least we can do is make it a bit more exciting by sending an incompetent, possibly corrupt, refereeing team. This would mean we could cheer on 'the boys' well into the semis, and possibly even the final.

Man it's been a funny one at work. Had the students making World Cup Posters;
So, what's your team name?
'Blackmans'.
'Excuse me?'
'Blackmans.'
Erm, you can't have that.'
'But I like them.'
'I'm glad you do, but you have to change it.'
'Oh, Ok.'
They had to write English on the poster. Heres what we got.....
Height: 189cm
Age :29
Position: Defender
'He played Bridge wife very bad boy.'

And Joseph Yobo?


We got this.
Is that racist? I recall Sarah Palin refering to the country of Africa. Is that racist? Or just naive and innocent? Thing is, Palin wasn't, and to my knowledge, still isn't, a Korean high school boy.

I think I might have to do a lesson on the different races and countries in the world. Could be fun, will definitely be an eye opener! Sarah, your invited to my School in South Korea (Asia).
In other amazing news, I got Air Conditioning! Unannounced, obviously. My mentor teacher, who is a HERO, took a phone call, turned to me and said, 'You will get air con today. Lets go to your apartment now.' He was slightly concerned about the state of my apartment, too many water bottles being his chief concern. However, despite all the bottles, it was successfully installed, and I am now enjoying sleep at a reasonable temperature.



I bought a new camera, so I will really try and get some new snaps up soon. As soon as I see anything that interests me. We'll get the ball rolling with this sticker on the back of a car. Can't work out what it means really.



It says



'At the celestial body is personified god, at dawn he rises up across the sky from the Eastern Ocean, the Oceanus to the Western. In the night he sinks under the Western, crosses the ocean by golden boat, and turns back flow of the ocean to the East. He goes around the sky, and is known to the witness of pledge and oath as being able to observe everything of the world.'

For those Marvel fans with a keen eye, yes, the sign below is indeed the top of the Spiderman logo. Is the text describing Spiderman, or is it some religious thing? I genuinely have no idea. It could be a Korean Christian thing........Arrrggghh!!!! (PLENTY more on them next time)

Catch you crazy kids next week!
x