A Disclaimer

This blog will hopefully be an interesting and relatively witty account of my time in Korea. If this turns out to be false, please don't read it, and accept my apologies.



Also, I have lived here for 8 months, so I don't have all the amazing 'I've-just-got-here-wow-look-at- that' stories. But I saw a woman walking down a street with a dog on her head. Stood up. On her head. These kind of stories I will share.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Reversed Awakening

****DISCLAIMER. *****

This is not me writing, but a friend of mine who wanted to improve the quality of the blog. I tried to talk him out of it, asserting that I was happy with the poor standard, but he was persistent.
It's actually quite clever, as I don't actually have to write anymore.

Plus, it's quite darn good.


So here it is. Drum roll please for the first guest writer............






An.nyong.ha.shim.ni.kka? This is not Dave writing, but a guy who sees the world about 12 inches south of your normal writer. My name is Lex. Hailing from America and living in Iksan for about 18 months.



I was telling Big D last night that I wanted to write something for his blog, probably for the sole reason that it gives me something to do other than inspect and chase down where the moldy food smell is coming from in my room. I preceded to tell him the following story, and he agreed to turn it over to you netizens via D’s blogsite.



I spend most nights in my chair; hit the tunes, watch tv, studying various things. And Tuesday was no exception. Still drained all over from a weekend vacation and heavy soccer and MMA training, I decided my night would end with a few shots of Soju and I’d hit bed. As planned, I was in bed quite early, proud of myself and looking forward to an easy Wednesday!



Fast forward to Wednesday morning at 9:30am. My eyes open to the alarm and the room is spinning. Now stop! Imagine this scenario so you can understand where I am. You walk into your house, put the keys on your little key holder, you mechanically toss you phone on the counter and you reach into the fridge to grab a lil snack before dinner. As you are munching you head towards the bathroom, open the door and flick on the lights BAM! On the other side of that door is no longer your bathroom. You are somewhere in France, with a bag of squid in your hand. You know this feeling because you have been to France before, but the sun is unusually bright for this time of year. You are in a field, but there are empty boats sitting in a meadow and you know they don’t belong there. You question where you are. There are six bees in your ear, three in each just buzzing away like they were performing for a crowd, yet your hands are so heavy you can’t swat them away. You just moan. Long and loud (that’s what she said). Now keep that weird feeling, and change the elements.


You aren’t in France, you are naked in your bedroom yet you never sleep naked. That’s not squid in your hands, it’s an empty bottle of BBQ sauce. The sun, bedroom lights. The boats, empty soju bottles decorating your room like balls on a Christmas tree. The alarm clock, which already shows you woke up two hours late, is ringing with no intentions of stoppingMaybe it was confusion, the soju, just the AM in general, but I just sat there looking around the room. I had just been hit blindside. I went to bed sober, and woke up drunk. It didn’t matter, because when you are two hours late you just scrub your poophole, (What the!?-Ed) brush your teeth, wear anything that is clean-ish and jet to work.


I spent the whole day trying to understand what happened to me. I started learning a few things. I remembered there was an apple core and tons of egg shells in the sink, empty soju bottles, a plate that had salad on it at one point, and all my chicken was missing from my fridge. I thought someone would text me later saying they had fun. Maybe I just didn’t remember waking up and got so quick that I blacked out before waking up. But no messages, no emails, no phone calls.


If you don’t know what soju is, it’s a traditional Korean alcohol made from potatoes. This stuff sneaks up on you, similar to jell-o shots or maybe a wet stain in your pants when you thought you were pushing a dry ‘fluff’. Normally people are in a bar, and don’t leave soon enough before it sneaks in for the power punch and leaves them sleeping beside their friends at the bar. But this is ridiculous. Cousin to the Sock Monster that sneaks into your apartment and takes that one sock, the Soju Monster hit a game winner sometime between 10pm Tuesday and Wednesday two hours after I should have awoken…. Needles to say, I have changed the locks on my front door.





'Go on then, I'll stay for a couple.'


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A Jisan Music review. Kind of. PLUS -16 Things I Learnt in August.

Alright me old muckers

This will be the first blog in a while, apologies for that. As a special treat, this one will be short, with no pictures! This special, no picture blog is due to a 'what happens in Jisan stays in Jisan' rule which came into force immediately after the festival, and was passed by the majority of Jisan attendies.

Plus, my Mother wouldn't approve.;)

A Jisan Music Review, kind of.

With my tennis rackets, tambourines, and various inflatables packed, (including a blow up Dolphin named Desmond) I trudge off to the bus station. On the way the taxi driver turned to me and said, 'you have a very beautiful face.' I knew right then it was going to be a great weekend. 'You too fine sir!'

I got a bus to Icheon, where I waited for the rest of my gang. 2 of them nearly went to Incheon, but I talked them out of it. From my experience, there's very little need to ever go to Incheon, I went once for a couple of hours, then went back to Seoul, wondering if I'd ever get that time back. It hasn't even got a train station, even Iksan has one of them!


So, we arrive on the Thursday night, and there's no queues! As a UK festival goer I'm used to big queues that don't move for no reason. The last one lasted approximatley 3 hours. In fact I'm so used to them I look forward to them! (Thought process: 'right, I've got my tent, sleeping bag, now then, what should I take for the queue? The Complete works of John Milton perhaps? But will that be enough? Maybe the latest Stephanie Meyer book? This could also double as toilet paper.' But will that be enough toilet paper, etc.')

Despite us been on of the very few people to arrive on Thursday, our arrival seemed to cause great surprise and confusion, even though we could be seen walking down the hill for about a mile. Massive panic ensued, and it took about 15 minutes and about 8 people to find our tickets. At this point I got all teary eyed about the 'Leeds experience.'

Then, without warning, they were found. And we walked towards the campsite.

On our way in we were asked, 'Excuse me, have you got any bottles, knifes, alcohol?'

'Nope.'

'Enjoy the festival!'

'We will! (wink)

That's one of the great things about Korea. They HAVE to ask, but, ya know,......

Where was the suspicious rummage through the bag? That inevitable moment when they pull the bottle of the certain glass liquor you just told him you didn't have. Then the embarrassment as you search the ground for empty water bottles and attempt to decant as much as you can before you give in and hand the remainder over to the guy who by this point is sharing a joke about your misfortune with another, bigger, possibly stupider accomplice.

However, if and when you do get in, it is worth turning round, pick the biggest hippy in the crowd, and watch him sweat as he gets closer to the search area...........None of that in Korea though. You'll die if you get caught. Maybe. Or something else slightly less horrific. Maybe they send you to Leeds Festival every year for the rest of your life. Sweet Jesus.

Anyway, we walked in and I picked up my rented tent. Yes, you can rent a tent, and give it back at the end. Possibly, this was to counter Koreas out of control tent burning at previous festivals, but I very much doubt it. I remember waking up on the last morning of Leeds festival 2004 and I thought I'd walked into some apocalyptic nightmare, fires, helicopters circling, toilets expoding, fireworks, naked people fighting, police, naked police, tents burning, and the SMELL from it all.

I remember people would burn tents for no apparent reason, and I'm afraid to admit I was an accomplice to a tent burning incident in my youth. It was our tent though, I'm not a twat! And it was broken. I'm not wastful. And I kept my clothes on. Sensible.

It's strange what Leeds does to people though. That's Leeds for you I suppose; tent burning heathens. Perhaps the citizens of Leeds burn the tents reaction to the fact that it was different to their normal dwelling of a cave. OK OK, it's all relative. Middlesbrough havent got caves yet!

Where was I. Right, so the only tents available were 4-man (or 5 ladies) tents. Which was a relief, as I was unsure where I was going to put 4 women AND Desmond; my aquaintence, friend, and soon to be midnight lover...........

Right, I don't have the time or desire to ramble on about the entire festival. Safe to say, it was awesome!

Instead, here is a condensed list of what I learnt in the month of August.

16 Things I learnt in August


  1. When camping at a festival, it is not necessary to sleep in a tent, when there is a perfectly acceptable rest area conveniently located next to the bar.

  2. Saying 'stronger please' to the bar lady before you've tried your drink is not always a good idea.

  3. Ruth can dance to the Pet Shop Boys 'Go West' better than anyone alive.

  4. Koreans jump at music festivals to every kind of music. There are no exceptions.

  5. Kula Shaker are not shit!

  6. I like Knights of Cydonia WAAAYY too much.

  7. Dancing in the sand to electronic music can cause the speakers to catch on fire.

  8. Crashing other peoples birthday parties is easier and more fun than it sounds.

  9. Finding out your friend has a 512MB SD card is hilarious!

  10. Dropping your camera in a puddle is not.

  11. I realized that if I was anything, I would be Buddhist.

  12. Singing in a Naraebang is usually a good time. Listening to a friend power through 'Everything I do' by Bryan Adams is not.

  13. Clapping your hands in a taxi whilst trying to sing a Korean birthday song with your friends on the way to a bar does make you forget about how dangerous the driving is.

  14. When the driver starts clapping, you remember very quickly.

  15. 'Hey babe' sounds similar to 'hey Dave' when spoken by Americans.

  16. The answer to that puzzling question, do bears shit in the woods? (They DO!)

Im ganning fa a nap liek pet. See yas laterz! Ma next 'un will be liek mor aboot korean n that, justa bin keenda busy n that liek pal.
x