Plants, Cocks and Pickles

Hi kids!

Long time no blog! Well, I'm back with yet another thriller from the Centre of the Universe, Iksan, Korea......

Let us begin with a picture. I've had this kicking around for a while now, thought I might as well share it with you all. An example of bad English, or just an awesome name? You decide.

I spotted a teacher on the way to work the other day, so I thought I'd have a bit of patter with her before work. This is how it went.

'Good morning, how are you?'

'I'm fine'


'How was your weekend?'


'About 20 minutes'


'Great. '


'I don't know.'

'Mmm, OK, bye'

'Nice to meet you.'

'You too.'

We both laughed, she mumbled something about understanding,(LIE!) and went our merry ways. I love these conversations, they become almost normal. Sometimes I think my English ability has declined. You can see for yourself as the quality of the blog deteriorates;)

Right, so, I a love Americans. I do, I love them. Without sounding corny (or racist), some of my best friends are American. But, brothers and sisters, you have some wonderfully ridiculous people in your ranks. And I know, every country has them, but yours tend to be a little, well, you know, louder.
See, I know that you are from America, but the language you speak is English. And I'm not just saying that because I'm English, it's a fact.

You see, last week I overheard a delightfully ridiculous question,

'Excuse me, do you speak American?'


Now, this isn't the first time I've heard it since I've been here. The first one was 'it's sooooo nice to finally meet someone who speaks American'.

This is when I try and pull the GCSE French out of the bag. Which sometimes works, Dans ma trousee un regle, un gomme, un bic, erm, jambon. Si vous pla....and they've gone! Ha!. Always a useful phrase, NOW I finally understand. That's why we were taught it, to confuse other white people who we don't want to talk to in foreign counties!

So, if you hear an American saying this kind of thing, my number one piece of advice is ignore them. Failing that, talk in French, failing that, well, if the French Pencil Case Defensive Manoeuvre hasn't worked you might just have to face the (probably incredibly loud) music and talk to them. Don't say I didn't warn you!

To recap, you are FROM America, your LANGUAGE is English.

Moving on, I went to a DJ Festival in Seoul at the weekend and it was amazing! The music was immense, and we partied all night! We arrived in the afternoon so to pass the time played one of my favourite games;'spot the nationality'. Basically, Irish people walk with a stoop. It's a sign of not wanting to be seen, apparently. English people look at the floor as they walk, embarrassed about being there. Don't argue, it's science! I would have pictures from the festival, but my camera doesn't work at night time any more. I think the flash has broke. Or the batteries died. Either way, I've got no pictures to share with you, so you'll just have to use your imagination!



One very brief election update (oooooooh so exciting!)

There is a man called Eric Pickles in the new cabinet.
That man is a twat. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MrFV4c_sVY)

Although he doesn't look like he could run a bath, he's in charge of 'communites' or something like that.

I'll be posting updates when he says something i find offensive. Which will probably be weekly.

Last thing,I was bought a plant as a present. (thanks mate) This began an intersest in plants, and the desire to one day be a full time gardener.

Unfortunately, it seems that been a gardener is harder than it looks. The plant (we'll call her Doris) has not been well for quite some time. I've been determined to keep it alive, and have tried EVERYTHING! I tried giving it more water AND buying more plants to keep it company. Nothing was working. So, I had to resort to desperate measures. I heard about this fad called re-potting, so I gave it a go. I bought some soil, new, larger pots, and plant food. I re-potted them, and gave them a healthy dose of plant food. Just discussed my tactics with my parents, and they assured me I've given them what will probably be a lethal dose of plant food. I think I've murdered my plants. As I see it I have 2 options, another repot which I CANNOT be arsed with, or I could try and flush out the poison with a massive amount of water. The water idea is dangerous, Mother said, but a lot easier.

Buggar it I'm flushing, I'll give you updates next week. With photos, hopefully.

Take care boys and girls
x