Korea Mourns.......

I had a long weekend (Happy Birthday Buddha!) so I've been out and about Jeonbuk. On Thursday I went to the University in Iksan for a festival, if felt as if there were hundreds of stalls selling beer and food. A fantastic atmosphere, although we didn't stay all night, some of the people I was with had to leave early; 'I have diarrhoea!'

On Friday I went to Jeonju for a music festival. There were unsigned bands from Seoul, the final 2 are worth a mention. Kingston Rudiska are a Korean ska band fronted by a very cute boy, I am told. Not much of a Ska fan as a rule, but it was brilliant. Get Yr Skates On better watch out when I'm back in the UK! The last band were a reggae /dub band with a Korean woman in traditional dress singing Korean folk songs. Yes, I was sceptical too, but it was fantastic! As you can see, the venue was also fantastic.

So, turns out North Korea sunk that ship after all. Not the biggest surprise in the world. I'd have been more surprised if it just sank, as some of the newspapers suggested at the time. It turns out my theory that it didn't just sink because ships don't just sink turned out to be accurate. To my knowledge, they try really hard to design them so they stay afloat, to prevent any kind of sinking issues. It's just a little frustrating that both sides responded by whipping their cocks out in a show of masculinity (an argument for more women in politics?)and beating their chests Tarzan style, but after they get tired they'll zip the old boys back in, put a shirt on and start talking.

The thing is, it's probably quite difficult to talk to a leader who told people he shot 11 holes in 1 the first time he ever played golf. (Thats 36 under par, for you golfers out there.) Not bad for a first time. Or when the South found tunnels that North Korea were digging underneath the country, he insisted that the North was looking for coal. Whats even more amazing/ridiculous is that before they left they painted the tunnel black! 100% true, I've seen the paint! What I would have given to be in that room where the brains of the country met to discuss tactics.

'Erm, so, like, they caught us digging the tunnels.'

'Shit.'

'What shall we do?'

'Have we got any black paint around?'

'I'll get my brush.'

In bigger news, Korea was rocked (sorry!) this week by the news of Dio's untimely passing, causing shops up and down the country to hastily erect homemade DIO placards above shop windows. I'm constructing a life-size Dio made of cardboard to take to school as my assistant for the week in remembrance. On a personal note, I'm disappointed as it scuppers any chance of that Rainbow reunion I've been after. Dio, Korea loves you! You will be greatly missed. Well, a little bit missed. Maybe. Who is he again?

Oh, and my flushing tactic I employed on the plants seems to have worked. I'm delighted to report 2 out of the 3 plants are alive, and while I wouldn't say they look healthy, they are hanging in there. The other one faded pretty quickly, it had been mistreated quite badly over a number of weeks; the

food poisoning was the final nail in the coffin, but it was on the cards. But, as Meatloaf once mused, 2 out of 3 ain't bad!

That's 2 rockstars I've managed to squeeze into the blog. I've actually just found out the Slipkont bassist has died, and am tempted to write about himbut I'm going to refrain. First, he wasn't popular in the 80's, and secondly because he wasn't very good. I doubt no-one even knows his name, eternally known as 'Slipknots bassist'. .....

It's all quiet on the Pickle front, so I'll love you and leave you with a students review of Bad Boys 2

........In the end, the guys bastards die.

x

Plants, Cocks and Pickles

Hi kids!

Long time no blog! Well, I'm back with yet another thriller from the Centre of the Universe, Iksan, Korea......

Let us begin with a picture. I've had this kicking around for a while now, thought I might as well share it with you all. An example of bad English, or just an awesome name? You decide.

I spotted a teacher on the way to work the other day, so I thought I'd have a bit of patter with her before work. This is how it went.

'Good morning, how are you?'

'I'm fine'


'How was your weekend?'


'About 20 minutes'


'Great. '


'I don't know.'

'Mmm, OK, bye'

'Nice to meet you.'

'You too.'

We both laughed, she mumbled something about understanding,(LIE!) and went our merry ways. I love these conversations, they become almost normal. Sometimes I think my English ability has declined. You can see for yourself as the quality of the blog deteriorates;)

Right, so, I a love Americans. I do, I love them. Without sounding corny (or racist), some of my best friends are American. But, brothers and sisters, you have some wonderfully ridiculous people in your ranks. And I know, every country has them, but yours tend to be a little, well, you know, louder.
See, I know that you are from America, but the language you speak is English. And I'm not just saying that because I'm English, it's a fact.

You see, last week I overheard a delightfully ridiculous question,

'Excuse me, do you speak American?'


Now, this isn't the first time I've heard it since I've been here. The first one was 'it's sooooo nice to finally meet someone who speaks American'.

This is when I try and pull the GCSE French out of the bag. Which sometimes works, Dans ma trousee un regle, un gomme, un bic, erm, jambon. Si vous pla....and they've gone! Ha!. Always a useful phrase, NOW I finally understand. That's why we were taught it, to confuse other white people who we don't want to talk to in foreign counties!

So, if you hear an American saying this kind of thing, my number one piece of advice is ignore them. Failing that, talk in French, failing that, well, if the French Pencil Case Defensive Manoeuvre hasn't worked you might just have to face the (probably incredibly loud) music and talk to them. Don't say I didn't warn you!

To recap, you are FROM America, your LANGUAGE is English.

Moving on, I went to a DJ Festival in Seoul at the weekend and it was amazing! The music was immense, and we partied all night! We arrived in the afternoon so to pass the time played one of my favourite games;'spot the nationality'. Basically, Irish people walk with a stoop. It's a sign of not wanting to be seen, apparently. English people look at the floor as they walk, embarrassed about being there. Don't argue, it's science! I would have pictures from the festival, but my camera doesn't work at night time any more. I think the flash has broke. Or the batteries died. Either way, I've got no pictures to share with you, so you'll just have to use your imagination!



One very brief election update (oooooooh so exciting!)

There is a man called Eric Pickles in the new cabinet.
That man is a twat. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MrFV4c_sVY)

Although he doesn't look like he could run a bath, he's in charge of 'communites' or something like that.

I'll be posting updates when he says something i find offensive. Which will probably be weekly.

Last thing,I was bought a plant as a present. (thanks mate) This began an intersest in plants, and the desire to one day be a full time gardener.

Unfortunately, it seems that been a gardener is harder than it looks. The plant (we'll call her Doris) has not been well for quite some time. I've been determined to keep it alive, and have tried EVERYTHING! I tried giving it more water AND buying more plants to keep it company. Nothing was working. So, I had to resort to desperate measures. I heard about this fad called re-potting, so I gave it a go. I bought some soil, new, larger pots, and plant food. I re-potted them, and gave them a healthy dose of plant food. Just discussed my tactics with my parents, and they assured me I've given them what will probably be a lethal dose of plant food. I think I've murdered my plants. As I see it I have 2 options, another repot which I CANNOT be arsed with, or I could try and flush out the poison with a massive amount of water. The water idea is dangerous, Mother said, but a lot easier.

Buggar it I'm flushing, I'll give you updates next week. With photos, hopefully.

Take care boys and girls
x